My tapering thread/journal

[carolyn]

Hi guys, just popping in for my daily "hi".

This drop's symptoms seem to be a revisit of the jaw pain that I had earlier in my taper plus some minor "band headaches" where I feel like I'm wearing a hair headband that's too small.

Other than that, everything's going well. Even the stomach issues from the ibuprofen have calmed down.

[ray34iyf]

Awesome! Glad to see that your taper is going so well!

[VTgirl]

Does the ibuprofen help the jaw pain and headaches?

[carolyn]

Hi ray!

Hi Robin! Not really, re the jaw pain and headaches. They're not very painful or intense, just sorta "there". The jaw feels like I'm really clenching it, even when I'm not (or, aren't consciously).

I'm just at the end of my first week on 3.4mg and pretty much all the drop symptoms are gone. I had a bit of anxiety at the Sharks game last night (the first one we've gone to this season; I forgot what it was like to be around 18,000 screaming people ) but it all worked out OK...and the Sharks won.

[carolyn]

Last night as I was going to bed around 1am, I thought "I should set the clocks back before I go to sleep", but then I had this wave of anxiety because then it would only be midnight, meaning it would be an hour longer before daylight.

So I told myself, "OK, I'll leave the time as midnight now, and I'll turn back the clock in the morning and that way I'll get the extra hour of morning instead!"

It worked like a charm, my anxiety went away instantly.

Silly brains!

[Jess_Reyna]

Hey Carolyn! Glad you're doing good. I know what you mean about the games and anxiety. I go to a lot of baseball games and am planning on a hockey game soon. I get a little bit anxiety too, but it's usually ok cause I'm having fun. I wont let the anxiety ruin my fun anymore!

[AussieGirl]

Love what you did re. the clock and changing the time. Very creative xo

[carolyn]

Well, I FINALLY got the MRI results back....and no smoking gun.

Lots of little things but no crack. So I guess that's good...though I was really hoping for "this is why your back isn't healing, this is how to fix it, and this is how long it'll take."

BTW, for those that care, here are the actual (condensed) results:

IMPRESSION:
1. Small central disk protrusion, left greater than right, at
L4-5.
2. Small Schmorl's node inferior endplate L2 vertebral body.
3. No good MRI evidence to suggest L5 spondylolysis or
sacroiliitis. Please note that CT would be the most sensitive
study in detecting a pars defect.


I see the doc again on Wednesday and maybe he'll have some bright ideas.

In other news, my taper continues to be boring. Huzzah!

[VTgirl]

YAY for boring tapers, I have no idea what your talking about with your back... I hope your Dr knows how to fix you up!

[carolyn]

I have no idea what it is either. But I'm really looking forward to the doc appt on Wednesday as I'm still popping ibuprofen like candy.

[rain]

Mine was L4-5 also. Back pain sucks. I hope the doctor has some great ideas!

[Dianab]

Hey Carolyn, hope your back is feeling better...

[carolyn]

Hi guys, oops, it's been a few days.

In general, things are going well. My sleeping schedule is still a bit messed up (clearly, since it's 4am right now and I'm typing this instead of sleeping ) but other than that, I can't complain.

I'm having a bit of health anxiety about the steroids I'm on for my back, which I'm sure is contributing to my current insomnia. I woke up at 3:15am today with a racing heart, upset stomach, etc worried that I was having an adverse reaction to the med...despite it being 3 hours since I last took a dose and I've been taking it (with no adverse reaction ) 4 times a day for the past 2 days.

So, just another "this too shall pass" moment, methinks.

The back diagnosis has been interesting for me because it's highlighted some of my health anxiety thinking but in a new context. Usually I'm all about the heart attacks, but I can see some of that same "inappropriate thinking" with my back, too.

For example, I have the MRI results and I very clearly have a ruptured disc. I mean, there it is in the picture. It looks just like other MRIs if you google "ruptured disc" (though thankfully not as bad as some of those images on the internet!). But yet my brain keeps saying "What if they missed something? What if that's not my only problem? What if the ruptured disc is just the first thing the doctor saw and they missed the....."

The what, brain? A grapefruit sized tumor? Aliens hatching in the vertebrae? I have no idea what my brain thinks that the multiple MRI technicians and the doctor all missed. Obviously, something huge that, if left unchecked, will cripple me for life and probably give me a heart attack, too, while it's at it. Y'know, obviously.

Ah well. During the day, I'm generally fine. Work is suffering a little because the steroids make me spacey (spacier than normal ) but I drop the dose of those every day and will be done completely by Tuesday, so I'm not terribly worried. My coworkers know about the back problems and are sympathetic.

Night continues to be my "bad" time and really, it's just this sporadic insomnia. I don't even mind it so much since once I'm awake, I'm pretty awake and have been getting a little bit of work done, but it's still annoying. I'm doing too much reassurance with my pulse oximeter (occasionally the home BP cuff and asthma peak flow meter, but far less than the oximeter) but really haven't had the interest in addressing that issue yet. Sigh. Just checked: HR 88bpm, SpO2% 97. Heh.

Blah blah blah. Huge blather from me tonight as it's that or try to sleep again and I'm not quite there yet.

[carolyn]

Oh, one other thing

I'm also finding myself being almost obsessively drawn to medical/crime TV shows, websites, etc again.

I used to watch Without a Trace and Law & Order (plus the spin offs) religiously, hours a night if I could. I had to stop that shortly into my taper as it just sent me into a tailspin of anxiety.

But now I'm having urges to watch it again, which are easy to avoid...and urges to read similar types of websites, which are not as easy to avoid. Today I spent way too long at work reading the blog of an ambulance driver, which was fascinating reading and he's an amazing writer....but it's probably not a coincidence that I have increased health anxiety tonight, huh.

OK, self, hear that? Ix-nay on the medical ogs-blay.

[AussieGirl]

Oh Yes the night time overactive brain syndrome. I can soooo relate. Sending you some zzzzz's and hugs. Michaela xoxoxox

[Jess_Reyna]

Hey Carolyn! Yes have to agree with you on the tv and overactive brain. I watched Dr. G Medical Examiner the other day. Big mistake! It made me really anxious. I wont be watching that show for awhile.

[carolyn]

Hi guys!

Well, the health anxiety has been a right pain in the @ss for the past few days. Hubby thinks maybe it's from the steroids, which would be cool, since tomorrow is my last day of those.

But in the meantime, I'm feeling short of breath, chest achy, fatigued, blurred vision...you know, like maybe I'm fighting the cold that's going around? But of course my brain says heart problems. RARRR.

Anyway, I've been doing my CBT (though I haven't been filling out any anxiety/panic attack forms) and trying to just "go with the flow". Normally my health anxiety ebbs and flows, but this has been fairly constant for about three days. Not super intense, but constant all the same.

Ah well, I guess I'll see if it goes away within a few days once I'm off the steroids. I'm trying to still enjoy the activities I'm doing, which has been a bit of a challenge.

[carolyn]

Well, I found one way to halt the health anxiety temporarily...go to the ER!

No, it wasn't for myself -- mom fell again yesterday and bonked her head. She's just fine, but her skin is very thin so she was bleeding and thus off to the ER she went. Two staples in her head later and she's good as new.

But it was funny, all day yesterday (before mom's fall) I was wigging out over the health anxiety. I was freaking out because the steroids package said, "call your doctor immediately if you have these symptoms of severe high blood pressure: anxiety, headache, confusion, blurred vision" and of course I had all of those symptoms. So I literally couldn't wait to get home and check my blood pressure.

Right before I was about to leave work, I got the call that mom was at the ER, so naturally I dropped everything to head up there. I was actually thinking "maybe they can take my BP at the ER while I'm there".

Of course, once I got to the hospital my mind was otherwise occupied and I had no "symptoms". By the time I got mom home and set up with dinner etc and came home myself, I was actually feeling pretty good. I went and watched my co-ed team play hockey and then chilled at home for a while. I even slept through the night!

I did wind up checking all of my myriad health anxiety crutches -- everything was totally normal. HR, O2, BP, all great. I may be slowly convincing myself that if my vitals are fine, I'm fine.

So today has been a bit uncomfortable but I haven't had the full blown health anxiety. Hubby and I are going to the Sharks game tonight and I'm only a little squicked about going to the arena (interestingly, my brain has decided that crowds are now OK, because "if I have a problem, lots of people will be around to help").

So, maybe this is the end of this particular health anxiety wave. I hope so!

[rain]

I'm glad your mom is okay!

[carolyn]

Thanks! Me too. I talked to her on the phone tonight and she sounded just fine. Whew.

[AussieGirl]

Hi Carolyn. WOW what a few days. Glad your mum ok now. Yes i have found too when having bad waves of health anxiety that when my brain distracted like you were with your Mum, my symptoms tend to vanish /lessen too. Hugs galore xoxoxo

PS How was the sharks game ?

[VTgirl]

Glad your mom is ok! Hopefully your health anxiety lessens. Usually I have symptom X Y and Z then I go to the Dr and magically its gone... I don't know how many times I have done that in the past. I think its been a few years since I have done that. I usually save all my weirdness for when I go to the dr and I make a list and rattle them all off. I know I should probably not do it but it sure makes me feel better.

Hope you have fun at the game

[Jess_Reyna]

Hey Carolyn! Just wanted to say hello. I'm glad your mom is doing good.

[carolyn]

Happy Friday the 13th!

Things are getting back to normal around here. Hubby is feeling much better (he's had the flu all week, as I complained about in another thread in the Lounge) and I seem to have escaped with only some sinus pressure and very minor aches. *knock on wood*

I'm in the home stretch of 3.4mg and will drop to 3.1mg on Sunday.

[Songbird]

Good luck with your next drop. You're doing brilliantly, especially while coping with all this other stuff going on!